3 Tips for Navigating Conflict on Your Team

Over the last few months, I’ve been in multiple situations where I’m either helping someone else navigate conflict where there’s a lot of personal hurt or have been navigating this myself. 

Since it’s inevitable to run into this from time to time in the workplace, I’ve outlined some of the things I’m learning that will help make this process a little better. 

Will it completely remove the conflict? No, but it’ll help you move through it faster, with more clarity, and with less intense anger, sadness, disappointment, or whatever emotion you’re in because of it.

Will it remove the discomfort? Unfortunately, no. But I wholeheartedly believe that embracing discomfort is good for us. It’s a space of learning and growth. Embracing discomfort is also where we create movement rather than remain stuck in it. (By the way, avoiding discomfort doesn’t make it go away and can sometimes amplify it!)

So, here’s what I’ve learned in my own discomfort and in sitting with people in theirs when navigating conflict: 

1. Give yourself time to be angry/sad/frustrated/disappointed/etc. or when leading others through this, give them time to do the same.

Jumping to problem solving without acknowledging the emotion can lead you to creating a “solution” that doesn’t actually address what’s going on. And if you give yourself time to feel the emotion*, the intensity of that emotion will slowly come down, allowing you to move into problem-solving with a little more clarity and openness. 

If you’re leading someone else through a conflict of their own, allow them this space, too, before jumping into problem-solving mode. Phrases/questions like “Man, that sucks,” “And how is that impacting you?” “What emotions does that evoke in you?” “I can understand why you might think that/feel that,” “What else?” “I’m sorry you’re going through this right now” can be helpful in getting them to acknowledge and embrace what they’re feeling before moving into problem-solving mode. 

*When I say “give yourself time to feel the emotion,” I DON’T mean act out in response to it in negative ways (yelling at people, refusing to engage out of spite, gossiping to those involved or adjacent to the issue, constantly ruminating on how awful/unjust/etc. the situation or person is, etc.). It’s more of an embracing of the emotion through acknowledging it and, if needed, acting out in responsible ways (going to the gym, pausing to take a deep breath, journaling, venting for a set period of time to someone not involved who can give you space to “get it out.”)

2. Recognize the assumptions you’re making regarding yourself/the situation/those involved and practice thinking through alternative assumptions that could be true. When leading others through this, ask them questions to help them do the same.

For example, you think they purposefully skipped the step in the workplace procedure that involves you because they don’t value your opinion? Maybe they aren’t aware of the full process. Maybe they have a good reason for skipping that step for the greater team’s effectiveness. Maybe they didn’t think the process had to be followed and was more of a guideline or suggestion. Maybe you said something that made them think they didn’t have to talk to you. Maybe they assumed you were already on board for whatever reason…. I can go on and on. 

When something happens to us, our brains work quickly to make sense/meaning and create an understanding of what just happened and why. This is to help us understand what we want to do in response. The downside to this is that we are often filling in A LOT of blanks as we do this. And what we insert into those blanks can cause upset. 

So, when we probe into what we put into those blanks and take some time to postulate what else could go into those blanks, it helps us come down from certain reactions and recognize we might be missing something. 

3. Find out what REALLY goes into the “blank spaces” we fill in with our own assumptions. (AKA: find out the other person’s POV). 

Once you’ve given yourself time for your emotional reaction to come down and are in a space of “there’s a lot here I actually am not sure about,” approach those involved to understand their side in the situation. This isn’t about arguing whose POV is more accurate; it’s about just listening and asking them questions to get crystal clear on where they were coming from and why. 

This information usually clears up a lot of upset very quickly. It can also create trust with that person and communicate to them a sense that you believe this thing can be worked out together, which involves them in creating a solution. 

Sometimes this information can confirm what you already suspected, or open up new reactions. But at this point, you have created a space with them where you can have a dialogue to address the situation together, instead of staying reactive out on your own, waiting for them to change. 

Is this easier said than done? Heck yeah!!! 

But I’ll come back to what I said in the beginning. The reason this is easier said than done is that these steps don’t help you avoid the discomfort. They actually encourage you to walk into it in order to learn, grow, and eventually relieve the discomfort. 

And doing these three things won’t automatically solve problems, either. Sometimes you will have to do these steps multiple times. And sometimes the situation will require you to take some additional steps (communicating your POV, boundary setting, acknowledging an impasse, etc.). However, I’ve learned that these things go a long way in finding a way through uncomfortable conflict, and I hope you will, too! 

Would you like supported guidance navigating workplace conflict of your own? Doing 1 on 1 coaching can help give you the tools and support to walk through the discomfort and come through on the other side with new awarenesses and perspectives that bring peace to the situation or relationship.

If that's an interest to you, you can check out our coaching offerings on our website here and here or send an email to info@wayfindersleadership.com