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How to Cultivate an Empathetic Mindset

Empathy helps us connect with others. And in a world where (almost) all productivity takes place in connection with someone else, it’s an essential skill to have to be successful in our role as a leader and a team member.  


Falling into the realm of emotional intelligence (EQ), having empathy helps us with social awareness of the emotions that might be at play within those around us at any given moment and, thus, helps us make more informed decisions on how to act. 

Two women hugging, smiling in a bright room. Two men watch, looking happy. One wears a polka dot shirt, another a green top. Mood is joyful.

For any of those who hear the word “emotions” within the context of work and think they have no place there, let me give you a few statistics from Gallup and TalentSmart: 

  • 58% of a leader’s job performance is based on EQ

  • 90% of top performers in leadership positions demonstrate high EQ 

  • Employees with managers who have high EQ are 4 times as LESS likely to leave their jobs

  • People with high EQ make $29,000 more annually than people with low EQ, and a single-point increase (YES! You can increase your EQ) adds $1,300 to your salary


So, if empathy can help us increase our emotional intelligence, how can we cultivate empathy? 



  1. Validate what others are feeling

    It doesn’t mean you condone any “story” their emotion might be based on or any unhelpful behavior that has shown up as a result of the emotion. Validating how they feel is simply about acknowledging they are feeling a certain emotion, which can make a person feel “heard.” It also allows some space for them to experience the emotion, which might be necessary before moving to any action or “next steps.


  1. Recognize your point of view is not the only point of view

    ...and is based on your experiences and background that others have not likely experienced. Acknowledging this opens the possibility for other “ways” to be explored and removes the assumption that your way is the only “right” way. And, when you can tie your worldview back to your personal experiences and background, then it might lend itself to you getting curious about someone else’s background and experiences that shape their beliefs that differ from yours. 


Two people sit on a couch in a living room, engaged in a serious conversation. One gestures emotionally. Shelves with decor in background.

  1. Assume positive intent

    When someone does something we don’t agree with or that upsets us, it’s easy to immediately assume something negative about that person, and that assumption is very rarely based on solid facts. Shifting our assumptions from negative to positive can help us show up more effectively when we do come into contact with that person, especially if we are trying to address the upsetting situation.


  1. Get curious by using open-ended questions to genuinely collect more information

    Not to prove your point, but to simply just understand what’s going on in the other person’s world and why they might be showing up the way they are. 


    Here are a few questions to help you get curious with someone else-

    • “Could you tell me more about XYZ?”

    • “When you said, XYZ, could you share what you meant?”

    • “I noticed you XYZ when I XYZ, what was going on for you in that moment?”


      Pro-Tip: Try to stay away from “why” questions, as they can sometimes raise defenses. Eg. “Why were you late yesterday?” vs. “I noticed you were late yesterday. Could you tell me what happened?” 


  1. Practice active listening.

    Don’t engage in a conversation inside your mind while someone else is talking. Don’t “plan” what you are going to say next. Make eye contact, watch their body language, and listen to their tone of voice. Albert Mehrabian found 55% of communication is through body language, and 38% is through tone of voice, only 7% is the actual words- so there’s a lot to “listen” for! This active listening also can help you to step into curiosity because you might “hear” things that you can probe about further. 


Woman in gray blazer listens intently, holding hands with another woman in an office setting. The mood is supportive and empathetic.

This list certainly isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a place to get started! 


If you find you’re not naturally empathetic (not everyone is!), you might want to pick just one to work on for 30 days.


I challenge you to check in with yourself at the end of the day and write a short journal entry (3-5 sentences) on how your practice went for the day and any impact it had, if applicable- you’ll find doing this is a powerful exercise that will strengthen your emotional intelligence! 

 
 
 
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