How to Deal with “Difficult” Coworkers

You’re in a meeting. A teammate cuts right to the chase without letting everyone connect and get settled first. Someone else barely speaks. Another jumps from idea to idea without finishing one, and someone else keeps the peace but never seems to take a stand. If you’re like most people, you start assigning labels and calling someone difficult when someone does something you perceive as unfavorable.

Rude. Cold. Flaky. Passive.

I’ve done it too. We all have. It’s part of human nature to perceive and make some sort of judgment to know how we should behave or act next. 

But what if we’re not seeing the full picture?

When I started using Insights Discovery with teams, I saw a pattern again and again. The very things we get frustrated about, like someone’s intensity, silence, scattered energy, or people-pleasing, often come from a good place. The behavior that’s connected to the good intentions just shows up differently than what we’re used to!

Sometimes what we label as a difficult coworker is actually someone with a different communication style, stress response, or natural preference not someone trying to be difficult at all.

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It’s not that your teammate is trying to be difficult. It’s that they’re wired differently than you are.

Insights Discovery breaks this down into four color energies, each representing a different way of thinking, communicating, and engaging with the world. Here’s what I wish more teams knew:

Red Energy: Not Rude, Just Direct

Red energy moves fast. People with strong Red energy often speak their minds, focus on outcomes, and keep things moving. But without context, that drive can feel like pushiness or even aggression.

What’s really going on? They value efficiency. They’re trying to make progress, not enemies.

Blue Energy: Not Cold, Just Thoughtful

Blue energy is analytical, cautious, and detailed. These teammates don’t speak just to speak. They think before they act, and they hold themselves (and others) to high standards.

It can come off as distant or critical. But what’s often underneath is a deep desire to do it right. They are quiet, but they do care..

Yellow Energy: Not Flaky, Just Energized

Yellow energy is all about connection, enthusiasm, and big ideas. These teammates bring energy to the room, spark conversations, and dream big. They thrive in brainstorming and casual conversation.

Sometimes that energy can feel scattered or inconsistent. But they’re not flaking, they’re flowing. Their optimism can open doors that the rest of us wouldn’t have knocked on.

Green Energy: Not Passive, Just Peaceful

Green energy values harmony. These folks are the steady heartbeat of your team. Loyal, supportive, and calm. They think of others and rarely make waves. But that commitment to peace can sometimes look like indecision or disengagement. The truth? They’re usually processing things deeply, making space for others, and putting relationships first.

The moral of the story? When we jump to conclusions about someone’s behavior, we rob ourselves of the chance to truly understand and collaborate. We let frustration win over curiosity. And we create distance where there could be trust.

But when teams learn about the different ways to perceive one another’s (sometimes frustrating) behavior, something shifts. Suddenly the “rude” person becomes the one who gets things done. The “cold” one? A thoughtful strategist. The “flaky” one? Your source of inspiration. The “passive” one? Your team’s anchor.

It’s like turning on the lights in a room you didn’t even know was dark.

So, to reframe what we perceive as negative, ask yourself, “What are this person’s dominant color energies and what are their strengths? With that in mind, what might be driving the unfavorable behavior I notice?”

Pause before making a snap judgment. Lead with curiosity to get the bigger picture and see things from different points of view. And most importantly, TALK about it with them from a place of curiosity! That way, you open the door for conversation so the conflict doesn’t persist.

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At Wayfinders Leadership, we use Insights Discovery to help leaders and teams uncover these patterns, shift their mindset, and build communication that actually works. Because once you understand how your team is wired, everything changes, from how you give feedback to how you collaborate under pressure.

Let’s stop calling people difficult. Let’s start getting curious instead.

If this hit home for you, let’s talk. Whether you lead a team or work on one, we can help you create a culture where people feel seen, understood, and set up to succeed. Reach out at megan@wayfindersleadership.com